s a d
There is no other word that better describes how I currently feel. I did not sleep last night. My thoughts concentrate on one single person: Rachelle.
I have not heard from her. That's why.
I re-read what I wrote to her. Never ever would I write the same again. Why did I choose the words I chose? What was I thinking!
Empathy is the catchword here. I believe men are equipped with only a small fracture of what women have. (Maybe this is why we love them so much?!)
I've repeatedly noticed that I sometimes don't manage to cope with other people's feelings very well, and every so often unintentionally hurt people. Even though it seems that I especially hurt people who I love so much!
In order to compensate for what still has huge potential for development within me I have read books and articles about empathy. Psychological articles. Even articles and web sites that deal with insight and disorders related to psychiatry. 'Emotional Intelligence' by Daniel Goleman is currently on my nightstand. I hoped that reading all these findings provided by experts would help me develop this important ability.
Know what, folks? It ain't no help.
Showing other people my feelings and that I care about them a lot, is something I can only practice in real life. Neither the best book, the most recent article, the most helpful web site, or even the most affectionate pointers from friends work for me. I need to truly live it. And run the risk of making mistakes. Mistakes that I hopefully won't repeat.
After two days of despair I start to have deep regrets again. If only I had done this and that; if only I had written it another way; if only I had revealed more about myself ...
The list is endless.
3 Responses to s a d
Simon, thank you for stopping by my humble blog; I appreciated your kind words very much. Don't feel sad. Sadness is not the right kind of feeling to live your life by. Remember, tomorrow is yet another day. I leave you with the profound words of a favorite author of mine: ...the universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. Therefore... there is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore... the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it. - Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
You weren't lying when you said your blog wasn't nearly as superficial as it sounds. Refreshing. In response to your regretted words....don't. Our reactions to situations are what define us. Even if at the time you feel like you pulled an asshole move, said words in angst or simply weren't able to articulate yourself in the way in which you would like to, it's a characterization of self. We are all a product of what we've experienced, our current and ever-changing beliefs and priorities. Your human and you've taken time to notice the self and your impact on others. I like people who evolve. Thanks for stopping by and finding me.
Hi-
Thanks for your kind comments on my blog! It's nice to meet you. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you'll stop by again, and I'll add you to my faves.
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