tremendous feelings

Simon,
How well do you know Rachelle? It appears as if you are in love with what you think, imagine and want her to be? who is to say you cant find that in someone else who wants those same ideals back from you? No one will be the exact Rachelle in your eyes, If you didn't know her well enough than maybe you have made her out to be something that may only disappoint you. Things happen for a reason... hang in there, dont dwell too much on what you could or should have done or wrote... think about what you can do for you to continue to grow in the area of YOU. It sounds like you want to give Rachelle so much but that you lack providing everything for you, your confidence in if you did or said the right thing is realy bugging you, dont do that to yourself... Dont second guess who you are as a person... an individual.

3 years!? that´s too much :s

but the only intelligent thing that i can write to you rigth now is: be true to the calling of your heart! whatever that means is always an answer, i guess...

Remember Simon, that we, every one of us, are defined by the choices that we make. But by the same token, we change with time, our choices change, and we continue to evolve as individuals. Good or bad, our choices always impact others in our surroundings. You had made a choice, and so did Rachelle. Time has moved on, and so have both of you. I agree with kichenchica, that you are perhaps hanging on to a memory, nothing more. Let it go. Look to the future; the possibilities there, my friend, are endless.

Sounds like you may have to die inside, just a little. Which isn't much different than what you've been doing, really, just with a different direction.