guy's mind

To my astonishment, a couple of bloggers have written in and asked how they can help since my post about my room mate's illegal activities. Your sympathy has flattered me and made me feel comfortable again. Comfortable to know that others feel the same way; that others can understand what it's like for me.

I have felt very much at ease these last days. In fact, the issue with my room mate gives me comfort. He makes me feel in control; he himself put me in the driver's seat -- as they say. I never intended to be, but it just kind of happened. What's more, I never would have imagined me speaking in such a 'nasty' yet strategically thinking tone. But it occurs to me I have to. Sometimes you need to take preemptive action in order for yourself not to get into trouble.

Currently, I'm sort of rolling the dice. Is there a chance he might ever put the blame on me for his illegal, criminal, and chargeable activities? Will nobody ever find out and try to haunt him down? I simply do not know. Not yet do I know.

Clearly, numbers 2 and 4 in my list of choices have become unlikely for me to pay any further attention. First of all, I do not want to live in fear. This seems an unwise alternative. And second, to blackmail him would make me no better than him; it's illegal, it's unwise, and it's simply not worth it.

So, what about the three monkeys or justice? From a reliable source, I know that I do not commit any kind of crime simply by knowing what is going on. Additionally, clear evidence has been collected that leaves no doubt that I was not involved in his offense.

But then again, my room mate has put me under pressure lately. He seems very frightened and appears to regret what he did, yet at the same time he does not stop what he does. He's repeatedly asked me whether I told someone what he's done, whether anybody else knew. Why does he care? Why suddenly?

For now, I need not take any decision. I simply wonder what thoughts and feelings are going on behin his words. If I were him, I'd cleary try to sympathize with me so that I would never want to do any harm to him (doesn't this seem obvious?) Not with mere words, but by actions. By doing things that he knows (and in fact he does know me very well) I will love and enjoy. However, it must be hard for him to presume what it would take; what he needed to do; what I wanted him to do; what would finally put this question to rest.