guy's mind

Ribonuff, a steady reader of my posts, noticed that I have not blogged about Rachelle for a long time. How come, you may wonder.

I have had a plan, and still have a plan - which, to my disappointment, has not yet fulfilled its purpose.

There are multiple answers to why I stopped blogging about her. I must say that Rachelle is still on my mind. Very instensly, in fact. It is nothing to do with her. So much for now.

When I wrote about my room mate, Ben, I tried to outline that he has been inclined to take a part in controlling other people's lives. According to my personal judgement, he strives to gain more control than other people do; more than many do, yet more than almost everybody else does. Sadly, I might add, he not always influences other people for their very best; but, rather for his own benefit.

This is the way he works. I do not blame him for doing this, but obviously I do not like him do this with me. (Ben: Sorry if I'm all wrong here.)

For instance, he has repeatedly claimed that he has not and would never give my blog's name or url to anybody else since he learnt about it. I am uncertain of whether this is true. After all, he has repeatedly used information from my blog posts during fights and has sometimes behaved in a way he could only have wheh knowing this blog.

And then, there's Nero, my other room mate. He often acts like a manqué amateur actor who dreams of studying with a professional drama school, like Lee Strasberg, to get the basics. I wonder whether it's the professionals duty to aid those at a dead loss?

At this stage, is it coprehensive why I choose not to 'say' too much?

My dreams and feelings about Rachelle are so strong and intense, so precious to me that I often feel fear and choose not to disclose any information whatsoever that may be related to her.

It is a way of protecting myself, my own feelings and values, that leads me to do this.