'The Vagina Song'

Both sad and funny.



She wants to say,
everything’s gonna turn out the right way.
She believes all of this was meant to be.
A margarita, a little walking.
She did a little too much talking,
then she told me about her STD.

I’m running away, don’t want to stay.
Sorry if it seems kinda mean.
But my balls mean so much to me.
You got an STD, girl,
no it’s just not for me, Girl no.
A clean bill of health is all mine-a
I don’t want to touch your,
Dirty Vagina.

I’m gonna lock my door.
Never want to see your panties on my floor
Close your legs watch some Star Trek.
Just don’t forget to take your Valtrex
I’m in my Corolla and I’m flooring the gas
Cause I think you need a little Neosporin for your ass.
Looks like you sat on Papa John’s Pizza.

Or your bush was attacked by a cheetah.
I know you just wanna be a good lover
But like R.L. Stine you got Goosebumps on your cover.
Your cookie must burning like an Easy-bake Oven.
Cause, Girl, I smell something.

I’m running away, don’t want to stay.
Sorry if it seems kinda mean.
But my balls mean so much to me.
You got an STD, Girl.
No it’s not for me, Girl, no.
A clean bill of health is all mine-a,
I don’t wanna smell your,
Stinky Vagina.

You tell me it burns when you pee,
but you still think you got a clean pussy.
I don’t believe it. It can't be true.
You gotta find somebody else to screw.
You want sex, I got a better proposal.
How bout I stick my penis in a garbage disposal.
I’m grabbing my jeans. Hitting the road.
Gonna find somewhere else to blow my load.

Don’t get me wrong, Girl, I think you’re a cool chick.
But I don’t want you playing with my hockey stick.
Cause it looks like your crotch caught on fire,
and the doctor tried to put it out with a brick.
And that makes me nervous, just a little bit.

I’m running away, don’t wanna stay,
You got more crabs than San Francisco bay.
More cheese than a high school cafeteria tray,
on macaroni day.
Now if you’re thinking, there’s nothing she can do.
Bullshit, I’ve got some advice for you.

Trojan, Durex, Comet, Windex Can of Pledge with the lemony scent.
I like that best. Prescription drugs.
A bath tub plug, Automatic Shower Cleaner with the Scrubbing Bubbles
cause I think we all agree you tub has got a little trouble.
Make it double. Snow blower, lawn mower,
Vietnam flame thrower. Bubble gum, Shotgun.
fuck it. Call a bombing run.

Maybe you can stuff it with some babies breath,
Then it won’t smell like you gave birth, to death.
Think that was all that’s left, let me check…yup.
Hope you’re not upset.