guy's mind

Last week was truly thrilling, from Monday morning until Friday night. In fact, the thrill was initiated the precedent week when I tried to find out about my past.

I outlined in an earlier post that I think I annoyed Rachelle at a party a long time ago, and never even said I was sorry. I was never sure whether the incident had really taken place or, well, whether the piece of vague memory was created in one of my night mares. Sad enough I was still drunk when I woke up the next morning, I was unsure what to do about it.

I mean, what was I supposed to do? Apologize for making her feel pestered would have been pretty sappy if she did not know what I was talking about. After all, I would love her to think highly of me. She is the woman of my dreams.

On the other hand, if I had known for sure that it was reality, I could have stepped up to her, try to make amends and prove my reliability.

Instead of making a decision I remained inertial.

A major change in finding truth occured when my former roommate, whom I formerly named Nero, alluded to my uncool behavior. It was worth gold to me; to know what had really happened. At least that is what I thought for a few minutes. Only by knowing what had occured would I have been able to act. Consequently, I asked him to corroborate my findings last week. To my astonishement, he refused to do so. Whatta loada hooey!

That's what I thought first. But then, he may be truly ignorant. Again, left in uncertainty, I simply don't know what to do.

What is more, I start feeling tired. My mind has focused on Rachelle for such a long time. I would do anything to see her again. Rather today than tomorrow.

Up to here, my lines and heartache may seem romantic.

My other ex-roommate simply calls this stalking. Who would want to be a stalker? I don't.

And so, I will be joining the Swiss armed forces in 2 weeks. At the moment, two possible outcomes seem realistic to me: Either I will be going on with my seesaw, or Rachelle will gradually disappear from my mind and my life. After all, nothing is happening on her side to keep up my hope and feelings.

After doing research for my college paper, and my disappointment and frustration above all, I decided to really relax this weekend and lay on the couch all night. When shopping this afternoon, I bought some delicious meal to fix, pop corn, and everything else you need for a lazy TV night. I am so looking forward to it!

Tomorrow will be all about sports. My sister and I are planing to go for a run.